Addressing Your Offenders

FULL PRESENTATION DOWNLOAD

For viewing off line
| .swf File/Size: 11.4 MB | Time: 45:02 min. | Speaker: Mike Klopfenstein |

 

 

Reconciliation is Your Responsibility

“Moreover if thy brother shall trespass against thee, go and tell him his fault between thee and him alone;”– Matthew 18:15a

It is a believer’s responsibility to initiate reconciliation no matter who is at fault.

Matthew 5: 23  Therefore if thou bring thy gift to the altar, and there rememberest that thy brother hath ought against thee;
24  Leave there thy gift before the altar, and go thy way; first be reconciled to thy brother, and then come and offer thy gift.
25  Agree with thine adversary quickly, whiles thou art in the way with him; lest at any time the adversary deliver thee to the judge, and the judge deliver thee to the officer, and thou be cast into prison.
26  Verily I say unto thee, Thou shalt by no means come out thence, till thou hast paid the uttermost farthing.

Yahshua’s teaching is clear, when we are the one at fault, reconciliation should occur quickly.

And there are good reasons why!

1. The offender may seek justice and we may have to pay a heavy price
2. The longer I wait, the harder it will be for me to ask forgiveness
3. I do not know how many more days I or the one I offended are given in this life; today may be the last

If the other person is at fault, it is still our responsibility to initiate the reconciliation process.

Matthew 18:15a Moreover if thy brother shall trespass against thee, go and tell him his fault between thee and him alone.

Why is it a believer’s responsibility to address the offender and seek reconciliation?

When someone sins against us, our natural inclination is to wait for the offender to come and make it right with us. In the meantime, we may try and forgive the offender and hold back feelings of anger and bitterness.

Some problems associated with waiting for the offender to come and ask forgiveness.

1. Our words will eventually reflect the anger and bitterness held captive in the heart
2. Forgiveness will be come more difficult
3. The offender may never come and ask forgiveness

“Waiting for an offender to come and make things right with us is a sign of pride and bitterness” (IBLP)

Most importantly, the responsibility for the believer to take the initiative for reconciliation when offended is for the benefit of the sinner.

James 5:19  Brethren, if any of you do err from the truth, and one convert him;
20  Let him know, that he which converteth the sinner from the error of his way shall save a soul from death, and shall hide a multitude of sins.

When someone sins against us, the focus must turn away from ourselves and behold the heart of sinner. In addition, our attitude must be right in the sight of Yahweh when we approach the offender.

Galatians 6:1 Brethren, if a man be overtaken in a fault, ye which are spiritual, restore such an one in the spirit of meekness; considering thyself, lest thou also be tempted.
2  Bear ye one another’s burdens, and so fulfill the law of Messiah.

Search Your Heart Before Addressing Offenders

“…first cast out the beam out of thine own eye; and then shalt thou see clearly to cast out the mote out of thy brother’s eye.” – Matthew 7:5

For one to be respected for his advise or correction, he must first recognize his own sin and turn from it.

Matthew 7:3 And why beholdest thou the mote that is in thy brother’s eye, but considerest not the beam that is in thine own eye?
4  Or how wilt thou say to thy brother, Let me pull out the mote out of thine eye; and, behold, a beam is in thine own eye?
5  Thou hypocrite, first cast out the beam out of thine own eye; and then shalt thou see clearly to cast out the mote out of thy brother’s eye.

Before addressing your offender, make sure to address any pride that may be dwelling in your heart. Pride can be very obscure in the eyes of the possessor. Therefore we need to look for outward expressions of pride and replace it with inward character of humility.

We must replace:

1. anger with gentleness

2. bitterness with joyfulness

3. unforgiveness with a forgiving heart

4. gossip or slander with kind words

5. vengeful attitude with giving heart

6. ungratefulness with thankfulness

7. disrespect with honor

If we try and address our offender with remnants of pride as expressed in these area’s, we will only deepen the offence and cause greater conflict.

“Going to an offender in pride will set off reaction; going in humility will set up restoration” (IBLP)

Psalms 141: 5 Let the righteous smite me; it shall be a kindness: and let him reprove me; it shall be an excellent oil, which shall not break my head: for yet my prayer also shall be in their calamities.

Respect Offenders by Addressing the Problem with Them First

“Debate thy cause with thy neighbour himself; and discover not a secret to another: Lest he that heareth it put thee to shame, and thine infamy turn not away.”  – Proverbs 25:9-10

Matthew 18: 15 Moreover if thy brother shall trespass against thee, go and tell him his fault between thee and him alone: if he shall hear thee, thou hast gained thy brother.

One of the quickest ways to lose the respect of other’s, is to tell everyone except the one who caused the offence, that you have an issue with them.

As mentioned earlier, slander is an outward expression of pride because the underlying motive of reporting the faults of others is usually to make ourselves look good.

How powerful is the damage of slander?.

Proverbs 18:19 A brother offended [sinned against] is harder to be won than a strong city: and their contentions are like the bars of a castle.

We all know how slander can hurt and destroy relationships. We have all experienced the pain and damage from someone spreading slander and gossip about us. How much respect do you have for those that have slandered you?

Do I have to keep the matter to myself even after dealing with the offender?

Only after you have addressed the issue with your offender, and only if refuses to hear you, can you take the matter to others. But again, the reason should not be for vengeance, but rather to try and win his heart to seek repentance.

Mathew 18:16  But if he will not hear thee, then take with thee one or two more, that in the mouth of two or three witnesses every word may be established.
17  And if he shall neglect to hear them, tell it unto the church: but if he neglect to hear the church, let him be unto thee as an heathen man and a publican.

Again, the whole purpose of addressing our offenders is not to punish them, but rather to point them back to a right relationship with their Savior.

“A true friend will gently and lovingly point out faults that damage a relationship with God and others” (IBLP)

Proverbs 27:6  Faithful are the wounds of a friend;

Remember the story of how Yahshua dealt with the Samaritan woman at the well who had been through five husbands, and the one she was with was not her husband? He first told her that if she knew who he was, she would ask for living water, and he would give it to her. After the discussion, when Yahshua had revealed her sinful life to her in a gentle and loving way, she ran into the city to tell all who would listen about the Messiah, and how he told her all things that she had done. (John 4:7-29) How quick would you be to send people to the one that revealed your life to you?

Forgive and Forget Regardless of Your Offenders Response

“Then came Peter to him, and said, Lord (Master), how oft shall my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? till seven times? Yahshua saith unto him, I say not unto thee, Until seven times: but, Until seventy times seven.” – Matthew18:21-22

“Never does the human soul appear so strong as when it forgoes revenge, and dares forgive an injury” – Edwin Hubbel Chapin

Forgiveness is something that many desire, but all need, yet it can be the hardest thing to give. Why? It can be hard to give forgiveness because it requires taking the focus off of self (forgetting that I was hurt and my rights were violated) and focusing on others, to be concerned with the spiritual well being of others, including our offenders.

Paul tells us that we are ambassadors for Yahshua, who has given us the ministry of reconciliation.

II Corinthians 5: 17  Therefore if any man be in Messiah, he is a new creature: old things are passed away; behold, all things are become new.
18  And all things are of God (Elohim), who hath reconciled us to himself by Yahshua Messiah, and hath given to us the ministry of reconciliation;
19  To wit, that God (Elohim) was in Messiah, reconciling the world unto himself, not imputing their trespasses unto them; and hath committed unto us the word of reconciliation.
20  Now then we are ambassadors for Messiah, as though God (Elohim) did beseech you by us: we pray you in Messiah’s stead, be ye reconciled to God (Elohim).
Seeking reconciliation requires a heart that forgives regardless of the offenders response. It also means that we must be willing to make it a priority to pray and give thanks for all men, especially those that are in authority in the land.

I Timothy 2:1 I exhort therefore, that, first of all, supplications, prayers, intercessions, and giving of thanks, be made for all men;
2  For kings, and for all that are in authority; that we may lead a quiet and peaceable life in all godliness and honesty.
3  For this is good and acceptable in the sight of God (Elohim) our Saviour;
4  Who will have all men to be saved, and to come unto the knowledge of the truth.

 

It is our responsibility as a believer to one who has sinned against us, to take the initiative and seek reconciliation for the sole benefit of the sinner.

Affirmations for going to offenders:

1. I will go to those who offend me before the hurt festers

2. I will not give bad reports about those who have offended me

3. I will ask Yahweh to remove any bitterness and anger before I go to my offender

4. I will bless those that offend me

5. I will ask Yahweh to reveal any wrong on my part

6. I will seek humility before going to my offender

7. I will make restoration my goal, not a rehearsal of wrongs

 

“Moreover if thy brother shall trespass against thee, go and tell him his fault between thee and him alone: if he shall hear thee, thou hast gained thy brother. – Matthew 18:1

Comments or questions accepted.

 

mikek@messiahshouseofyahvah.org